A matter of mental health. Help Me...PLZ?

well first of all, I would recommend not patronizing the people you're asking help from. It looks to me that you're afraid of people thinking you're stupid or you're out to prove that you're intelligent. I'm not insulting you, I'm just saying that it's pretty obvious you're being very intentional about your words. That defensiveness is going to be a natural barrier on your road to recovering, even though it's something that is probably deeply ingrained in you at this point. Also, it's obviously not black people (a term which is considered relatively pc btw) who are the problem, it's people who are being jerks. I know you might be thinking that there are obvious behavioral trends among certain races (which there are) but those trends are likely more attributed to sociological and cultural factors than genetic ones. So the first thing you should do is try and put all of that racial discrimination out of your mind; you're angry at the world for hurting you, so just be angry at the world (I'm not saying you won't have to deal with your anger towards specific races, but try not to reinforce any hard feelings you have against any specific races right now). Secondly you should be more concerned about dealing with the pain and anger than boosting your confidence. What you want to do right now is heal the wounds, not cover them up with something artificial. Since you obviously know the root of your pain, you really just need to start working through it. Keeping a journal is always good, but you probably need to talk to someone. I recommend a counselor or psychologist. What you need right now is someone who will be non-judgmental, understanding, caring and firm. Anyway, I'm tired so good luck with all that.